I bit the head off a bird today.
Is that weird? It let me walk up to it, perched on the limb of a tree. Like it didn’t care. Not sure… did I do something wrong? Maybe it was okay with it because it wasn’t even alive to begin with… it was so fragile and easy to… easy to see through.
and it cleared my head a lot. Felt better than I have since, well since the night, you know the one. The crunch was satisfying and the blood, it was absolutely disgusting. Like medicine I guess.
It told me I needed to do it, I didn't have a choice, and that I was better than it- that I deserved this... I didn't really want to but I did have this feeling that I needed to so I guess it was right.
Do you- did you- do you ever feel like you need to do something? Or need something from someone else and you know it doesn't really belong to them? Because they haven't earned it like you did? Is that how you felt when you ripped things away from me? When you hurt me? Well. I have a whole life ahead... in both cases the moment was quiet. Unassuming. I could hear the wind and feel the cold but the stiffness in my muscles made me feel stronger, not weaker. Like a machine put here for a purpose. You had- have no purpose other than to hurt me. Which is why I did what I did, why I'm not fragile anymore. The cold lifted me up and carried me back to the camp fire where she was sleeping and the embers were all that were left behind and I put my hand in them but, of course, felt nothing at all. When I woke up in the morning there was no blood on my body, no burns left on my hands, I didn't even need to wash it off. It just didn't matter.
I wonder if I’m the only person who loves the way I do.
Video 12.